Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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