remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
PANTIES FOUND
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
