She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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