Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
