I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
