UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
