Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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