I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
