If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
