Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I need moral support for this bender
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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