she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
