Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
