Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
