I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
