I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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