Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
