apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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