I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
