yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pants are for mortals
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
