thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
