can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
