We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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