Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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