I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
