youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
