On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
