All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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