So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
