shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
