whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
