Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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