i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
