Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
