We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just saw a hot homeless man
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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