Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
