PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
