bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
