so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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