yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
