I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
