Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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