I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
