My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
