i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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