She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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