I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
