shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
