your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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