I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
