Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
